viva la white girl (pirate_hookerrr) wrote,
viva la white girl
pirate_hookerrr

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been a loong time journal.

I don't even remember when I updated last but I know it was a long time ago. I still love my job, and the people at it. Working with one of my best friends is so badass you don't even know. Plus I'm great at what I do and it keeps me busy. I am however going to looking to start a second job in January so I've enlisted the help of the staffing agency that found my current job for me and hopefully we'll be able to find something. I've made a huge dent in the amount that I owe my parents, and if I get a second job should be able to accomplish my goal of moving out on my own within the next year.

Speaking of moving. All of my close friends are more or less. My other best girl Leah is going to PA the 29th of this month and she'll be just a weekend road trip away but we definitely won't be able to see each other every month I'm sure. Becks already moved to NH but that's only an hour away so it's notsobad. My boy Mikey has joined the navy and I believe is going to basic in February..not sure where yet but not close enough. And last night I found out my lovah is moving to Florida. I'm sad about everyone that's moving because I'm really close with all of them but at the same time I know they're doing it to better themselves so I am fully supportive. It's just gonna be weird. And with a second job I would've had to cut down on the time I spent with them anyways.

October was a rough month on the whole..found out some bullshit about my cousin's ex fiancee and now want to kill him. one of my other best friends was in a car accident & for a few days we didn't know if he was going to live a full life again or be paralyzed. and just some other personal things that went on with me. I started having breathing issues and thought it was my asthma, but it now looks to have been anxiety causing near panic attacks. and what I learned last time I had a panic attack is that another would likely kill me because I pass out from them and am high risk for having an asthma attack while passed out. so I've been put on kolonopins as needed, and started seeing a pulmonologist to rule out anything asthma / pulmonary related.
November was a better month until the end. Thanksgiving week I was a wreck and a half. found out my gram has cancer and I couldn't handle it, I just fell apart. We're very close, and her alzheimer's was bad enough I thought and then this added to it. She has spindle cell carcenoma (rare, agressive form) and at this point the only hope is a masectomy. if she has a lambectomy to remove the tumor she'll need radiation which means they'd have to further operate to move her pacemaker, and at 76 that's a terrible idea. so we came to the decision of having the masectomy..after Christmas sometime.

I had a huuuge attitude shift the week after Thanksgiving. I really felt like I hadn't been my true self as much as I thought I had and have been letting go of a lot of things. I don't quite know how to describe it, but I've been a lot happier on the whole and better able to roll with the punches. I also realized that life is short and as much as I said it before, I didn't actually feel like I was living it to the fullest. so I'm working on that.

I'm sure I'll have a photo update at one point, but I haven't had a working camera since June so I'm relying on others' for recent photos of myself. Need to buy a new cam, probably after Christmas when there's better sales.

Back to work for me..just felt like I should update this although I'm sure no one reads it heh.
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